The Cheegan Confessional: Egg regs. up your ass!

Who I got to fear? Alec Baldwin? Canteen Boy has that shit covered, so the eldest (and most Care Bear-y Baldwin... or should I say Hair Bear-y) and his "Chickens are the most abused animals on the planet..." intro to that PETA video (ruff tuff stuff beak-choppin- way sadder than even Dinosaur Jr.'s Start Choppin- & brutal cage crammery being a given) don't cover that eccentric lady who has 4 chickens in some 'tuckey town near Princeton. She barters her chickens' eggs- dropped all about the property- with the local health food store for fuckin flax seeds or something. Those birds get treated better than my old blind cat- and she gets mad treats. Soon, I'll be fanning her with a feather and dropping them in her mouth like old school Greek whores droppin grapes into the gullets of fat, mediocre philosophers until vomitorium time.

So, after just over a decade of vegan power (because I hate moist and fluffy cake and not having any gas) I scrambled up some of Eccentric Elaine's Ethical-Ass Eggs. It was an inner conflict debacle (or in Carmine Jr.-speak, a "deb-uh-cul") for a while, cuz I felt like a sell-out for getting my B Complex and protein from an actual absorbable source, but, really, when I broke it down, aaabsolutely no one was being harmed in my egg swallowing activities. Hooooowever, this source wasn't consistant and I started looking into other egg farms who I could consider "totally cool to them and all that." I have worked in the "natural industry" for a handful of years, managing a HF store for a few, etc...) so at a couple trade shows, I asked the guys from Pete and Gerry's, and a few others what the story was w/regulations and conditions. They gave me the gist of what can be found here and told me that, indeed, the chickens that were too old to lay were sold to... um, not a bigger farm for elderly, limping & waddling hens who couldn't outrun a worm, to spend the rest of their days watching their stories and wearing little chicken mompants. Therein lies my goddamn quandry and the real cheegan action- A.K.A. "Whadda ya mean 'I don't support your system?!' I buy Organic when I have to!"